Confessions of a fat kid: Sugar Coated Exercise

Written On: Monday, May 3, 2010 at 8:51pm

I am an emotional person...in case you didnt know. I cry. A lot. Its actually ridiculous. I remember as a kid being in trouble for whatever I did that day-probably something to do with my big mouth- and I would be sobbing uncontrolably. Then I would be told to go and eat my dinner. So there I sat with a bowl of tear soaked spaghetti O's shoveling food in between sobs. I tell you this for two reasons. One to show you just how emotional I really am and have been since proabably birth. And Two I wanted to point out that even when crying profusly I would not be missing a meal. Even in extreme emotional distress. As you all know I am a Biggest Loser fan. I try not to miss a week. Serious poundage losing is entriguing. You know when they get all emotional and cry about being fat? Well, I always think maybe its a little over played. You know, theyre sad I get it..but it seems to be amped up for TV. I'm fat...I dont cry about it. So I could never understand. But then this weekend I had my own "Last chance work outs". A friend pushed me just that bit harder. You know the harder where you are sweating so bad it drips off your face and into your eye rendering you momentarily blind. Saturday felt great. I was on top of the world. Sunday, while trying so hard to push myself to that one extra step, I felt it. Here I am, 25 and morbidly obese. Trying to jog less than 1/4 of a mile and feeling like I was gonna die. This is where I hit my perverbial brick wall emotionally. Physically I was gasping for air thinking that I would never breath normally again. On the inside I cursed the fact that I wa fat and hated that I let it get so bad. So I finally understand the emotion on the Biggest Loser. Because in the solidarity of the shower, with the only noise being the cold water hitting my back, I felt all the emotions inside of me and I let them out. I cried. For the first time since starting this journey. I cried about my struggle, my pain, and at that moment my absolute weakness. I thought that crying, being that upset about all of this, would make me feel defeaeted. Make me want to throw in the towel. O contrare! It made me see what needs to be worked on. How I can health-a-ly puch myself. I realised sometimes I was doing "sugar coated exercises". Not pushing myself past the point of this is hard. Im not advocating pushing yourself so hard you get hurt but if youre only doing the minimum you're not getting everything out of your workout you can. "I am struck down but NOT destroyed". I can cry a river but thats not going to stop me from pressing on. Eating better leads to cooking. Its inevitable. And me, I'm the worst kind because I actually think I CAN cook. Its the food Network channel's fault. They get me thinking if they can do it so can I. So last week while trying to make a piece of turkey, I almost burnt down the house. Looking over to see the pan on fire with flames high above it. I swear I did it just like on TV. I suppose I will never be Julia Childs. But Ive made some good food too. Like today I made a delicious Turkey Burger. It was great. Unlike my attempt at making a strawberry rhubard reduction sauce to put over my green beans. I had no idea what I was doing. Just throwing a bunch of things together. It was horrible. Lesson learned. I am getting a bike. Yup. No more walking for me. I will now "wheel" my way to health. Okay that was cheesy, even for me. But I'm very excited about this new form or exercise. A little nervous too. Why Kelly? They say you never forget how to ride a bike. I could possibly be the first person in history to prove that statement wrong. I'l keep you updated. In case I dont say it enough, thank you. To everyone who reads these and pushes me to continue. I know I am not doing this alone. You inspire me. Being vulnerable and honest is not always easy but I know its because of it Ive gotten so far and will continue on. So thank you again. Things I learned this week: -There is a runner deep down inside of me.....deep...way down. -No matter how old you are, in times of crisis, like a cooking fire, you will always call out for the help of your mom. -Nothing feels better than fitting into old clothes.