Confessions of a fat kid: Expectations

Written On: Sunday, May 23, 2010 at 9:51pm

I day dream...a lot. In fact most if I tell you about a dream I had more likely than not I was awake and day dreaming. So whenever there is something I'm looking forward to, I will constantly day dream about every aspect of it. What I will wear, say, what the other person will say, my reaction to that and so on. Then this silly fictional scenario that I've gotten all planned out, becomes my expectation. Things rarely meet my expectations. Either I've gone all fairy tale on it: "Then we shall kiss under the moonlight and stars while in the distance a faint harp is heard". Or I will go the other way and get all pessamistic and dramatic: "Oh woe is my life of despair and sorrow, I shall never find a mate". People have told me that they prefer to keep their expectations low so they won't be dissapointed. I wondered this week if this is what I do with my weight. Every week I go to weigh in I tell people, I know I have gained weight. I say how "bad" I've been. And for the last few weeks I have lost weight. I am not a fan of the low expectations. The problem with them is that you have a scapegoat so to speak. A way out. If I had gained weight then well, I expected that anyways. When you set your expectations low you set your standards low as well. Never giving yourself something to strive for. Something to work towards. Sure if your expectation is high you might not reach it but you can continue to push towards it. It can be your drive. There are of course un-realistic expectations. Like "by next week I wanna be a size 2". That wouldnt drive me to do anything but sit down with a bag of chips and a mountani dew. (FYI I have not had mountain dew in like 4 months. go me! =) ) That is not a possible goal in that time frame. My point in all this is: High REALISTIC Expectations. Ive decided I should, no NEED, to have expectations of myself. Goals as it were. Not just "lose weight" but specifics. So here's what I got so far: By the end of two weeks: - Jog 2 minutes without stopping -Exersize at least 5 times a week -Write down everything i eat and track my Weight Watcher points -Walk a 5K (3.1 miles) -Limit my coffee back down to 1 per week-been slacking on that a bit. -Do 10 full push ups -Most important: read my Bible everyday Some people may not think the last one fits in. However without God I can do none of this. He is my strength pushing me with every step. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength". Philippians 4:13 I've also noticed this week how offended I get when people can't tell I've lost weight. Like it they aren't gasping at the sight of my thining body. The thing is...I'm big. And you have to lose more for it to show than it would a smaller person. However I can tell and that is all that should matter. However, hearing it is nice. Those who notice and tell me, Thank you! =) Victory of the day: At the corps we have a dome shaped jungle gym and I REALLY want to hang upside down from it. So from time to time I go try to see if I'm getting better and today I could get one leg over. Woohoo! That's right Kelly the gymnist. Jealous. You're all jealous. And Praise God! The 40+ pounds I've lost has gotten rid of some health risks. I no longer have bad cholesterol or bad Tryclities (of however you spell it) and my risk for Diabetes has gone down. Yay! My mom asked me this week if I'd ever go back to the weight and general bad habits I was at before. In the wise words of Relient K "To go back to where I was would just be wrong, I'm pressing on" =) Things I learned this week: -Pantyhose are slightly less of the devil than they have been in the past...SLIGHTLY -When eating out if your stomach says "I'm full" STOP EATING no matter how good the food is. Stuffing yourself helps noone. On a related topic, thank God Barnes and Noble has a bathroom. That could have been embarrassing. -When doing Jumping jack make sure your pants fit or wear a belt. The phrase "pants on the ground' isnt as funny when its literal.