Confessions of a fat kid: Cheat or Treat?

At Weight Watchers a few weeks ago the lady doing the meeting stressed to us the importance of not calling it cheating when you have something maybe you shouldnt. That this is a life style change and you can still eat all things just in moderation. Instead she encouraged us to refer to it as treating. And that it is okay to do that sometimes. I would tend to agree with this statement for the most part. However like with all things, too much is TOO MUCH.

I was on Vacation this past week and let me tell you, I have not been treating...I have been cheating. More than cheating, that sounds too calm, too little. Ive been stealing, sneaking, gorging, stuffing, and just all around pigish. It all started with some innocent cheese fries. Needless to say friends, maybe "treating" should be left up to the professionals. Cuz I dont treat, I CHEAT.

So I need to get back on track. I am positive I have gained some poundage and I can feel it. Its so funny because you automatically feel like you just picked up all that weight you lost and put it back on. Seriously. I know its ridiculous but I swear I feel the 50 pounds back on me. I'm sluggish and lazy. And irritable. My goodness. They tell you that eating right and exersizing improves your mood but I did not believe it till now. I feel what I call the Eeyore complex: "oh woah is me, my life is horrible, whine whine". And its like I can't stop. I just ate some junk food...thats an understatement..i inhaled a lot of junk food. If this were a movie you would see two people on my shoulders. One chunky one with a shirt too small on going "oh come on Kelly, you can eat some more you deserve it." And the other a thin sporty type holding a tennis racket calling me to the outdoors and to step away from the Twinkee.

I am dissapointed. I didnt think I was even capable of these bad habits anymore. I thought I had it beat. And I could pretend like all is okay and write about more weight I've lost and never be honest. That is the 'sane' thing I suppose. Why tell the world that over the last 4-5 days I have consumed enough to feed a small country and I'm pretty sure my collar bone has been sunken back into my fat. Because I have to. I have to be honest about my struggles. My downs and 'cheats' as well as my ups and victories. Otherwise I'm portraying a false reality. That losing weight and eating good is so easy. And I have never had a problem with it. That everyday I walk 10 miles with weights on and eat only fruits, veggies, and grains. But that is a lie. Its HARD. There are days I dont even want to walk from my bedroom to the bathroom. Let alone exersize. So I let it all out. I share what I'm dealing with and where I am at. It helps keep me accountable and maybe even helps someone else that is struggling. Plus, I know that I have so many people supporting me and I know that when this is published those people will be right there with me cheering me on. Selfishly I want that. I need that. Everyone does.

So tomorrow is a brand new day. I will count points and eat healthy. I will work out and push myself just that little bit harder. Although I am dissapointed, I will not let it get me down, I will not let that dissapointment beat me. Because even if I fall, I know that I can get back up.

My parents bought me a bike. I am stoked. I immediately took it outside and rode it in the driveway of my house. I was petrefied. Have I mentioned that I have not rode a bike since I was like, I dont know.....12! People say you dont forget...LIES. Everytime I tried to turn I nearly fell off. I know the fundamentals, get on, pedal. But my body is all over the place. My mind saying "okay Kelly real funny now get off before we get hurt". I am confident that with more practice I can leave my driveway and maybe even go down a hill...maybe. I see lots of biking in my future. Lots of falling too.

I realized this week how blessed I am with people who love and care about me, and have my very best interest at heart. Sometimes I feel so...behind in life. Like I missed the part where eveyone jumped on the Life train. (I was probably distracted by a piece of chocolate) But as much as I would like to throw myself a pity party, and occassionaly I do, God reminds me that He has placed people in my life for a reason and I cannot discount them, or their love for me, whenever I am feeling down. So to those people-and you know who you are-thank you. For putting up with me and more so loving me anyways. =)

Things I have learned recently:
Do not buy a big bag of chips. You tell yourself that you will split it up but you wont. Then the next thing you know they are all gone.

When wearing a long dress, always make sure it is not under your feet when you get up from a chair and start to walk. Otherwise you will find yourself meeting the floor in front of 100+ people at a wedding reception.

There are times when you just have to follow your heart and what you want to do. You may be making the wrong decision but sometimes you never know until you try. Unless you're deciding to do drugs. Crack is never a good idea people.

If at first you dont succeed, try, try again. How else will you ever see what you can accomplish.