Written On: Tuesday, April 13, 2010
So the expression falling of the wagon has always been funny to me. You know how all sayings like that come from somewhere? Like saying shotgun to get the front seat. That is cuz back in the day the person with the shotgun sat there to thward off all the evil people clearly trying to kill them. As for this falling off the wagon saying...did someone back in wagon times fall off alot but then just smiled and got back on? Maybe they were clumsy and fell off alot and were encouarged to get back on. Or maybe someone just made it up. None of this is relevant at all to what I am going to share. Just a thought that popped in my head that I of course felt the need to share. The past few weeks have found me off the wagon. Well not completely off...maybe being dragged with one foot on the wagon and one foot trying desperatley trying to reach the ground. Easter was the start. Ham and potatoes. Mmm. Plus I was in a bad mood that day and what did I do eat more to spite....someone. Isnt it funny that when youre mad or something you will eat more? Who exactly are you hurting? Only yourself. Which of course at the time you are not thinking of. At the time youre like I am in control of my own life and I can do what I want! As you over eat ridiculously. Having no control what so ever. So there was that. I say I was half off the wagon cuz I was still walking and generally running around making sure my heart rate got up even a little. I feel as if I could be really down on myself and get all "im a failure, I'll be fat forever!" but really that is just not the truth. The fact is I am going to over eat sometimes. I will want chocolate in abundance at times, especially certain times! And all that is okay. As Ive said before...journey my friends. I have never ran the Boston Marathon but for 7 yrs I had an officer who did. He told us about what I believe is called Heartbreak Hill? I very well might be wrong in the terminology. But there is one point in this 26 (?) mile marathon where there is a hill that kills people. They have been running and are tired then here comes a hill for them to overcome. That is what the last couple weeks have been like. So far the race has been fairly level grounded...hard at times but Ive been going steady and feeling confident. Then I have hit the pervebial hill where I am running slower trying to get over this massive bump in the road. I could drop out and throw in the towel but then I will never know the victory of finishing the marathon. So Heart break hill...I may be walking to get over you, but I will get over you. Victory of the week: I went to Old Navy to see if there were any fat girl clothes someone ordered online and didnt want so returned to the store. I decided that I would try on some womens XXL. If you know anything about plus size shopping you know that XXL and 2X are not the same. So I didnt think that XXL would fit. Alas to my surprise all the shirts fit! So now I can shop at Old Navy. Ive gotten some new tank tops and t-shirts. Soon I shall be able to buy pants there. I am at camp currently. Spent the night with my friend Alberta and our new DYS Capt. Armida. This morning Alberta and I walked to the Pioneer site so I could see the new Ampitheather. Not that its an exceptionally hard walk cuz well its not. However I am pretty sure there have been times where walking all around camp would be hard for me. Granted maybe I was just tired from chasing kids. Either way: Victory! I take it where I get it! Recently went on a hike to the High Ledges in Greenfield MA. It was amazing. You walk and then all of a sudden there you are over looking a whole town. I just thought to myself...I cant believe I could miss out on this due to laziness and being overweight. I dont ever want to miss out on things for those reasons. For all of my friends out there in cyber space struggling with the journey we call weight loss I say this: Dont give up. Have your bad moments and fall off that wagon if you need to. But pick yourself back up and get on. If you dont have the strength allow someone to pull you on. In the end you know its all worth it. Highlights of the weeks: Fat Free Pringles. Theyre awesome guilt free snacking. Buy some. Now. After no time to myself...I thank God for allowing me time with friends who lift me up and give me love. I have a collar bone. You dont believe me..next time you see me I will let you feel it. haha.
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